Heavenly father, I beseech thee forgiveness

I want to be a forgiving person. I honestly do, but it's just so much easier said than done. I'm not talking about saying "it's ok" when someone apologizes to me standing me up and convincing myself that this is actually true. I'm not talking about giving said friend a pass for standing me up on one particular occasion while dreading that she will let me down again every time I try to make plans with her in the future. I am talking about true forgiveness where I end up feeling love and compassion rather than anger and resentment.

In all the literature I have read on the concept of forgiveness, I have read about the wonders and benefits it brings to my own sanity as well as my relationship with the other person. It allows me to let go of bitter feelings churning around inside me. In addition to letting go of unpleasant feelings inside me, (who wouldn't prefer happiness over anger?) forgiveness allows me to move forward with my life. After all, if I am still carrying around anger for an ex, can I really be the most compassionate and present partner in my new relationship?

But to be honest, it is hard for me to let go of these feelings, particularly since anger and resentment can be protective armor over pain. I am a very sensitive person, and while that can be beneficial when I protest on behalf of causes I care about or attune myself to my friend's feelings, it is also difficult for me to fully let go when someone has hurt my feelings because I tend to bleed deeply, leaving vibrant black and blue bruises that remain as constant reminders long after the incident has passed.